John Sandbach – Medium

John Sandbach
in
The Haven

Curvy Wangers and Smurf Pellets- Lesser Known Monikers for Common Fruits and Vegetables

Juice Balls (New Jersey) — Oranges

2 min readMar 20, 2023

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Curvy Wangers and Smurf Pellets- Lesser Known Monikers for Common Fruits and Vegetables

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John Sandbach
in
Greener Pastures Magazine

It’s a Tramp “Postage” Stamp Tattoo

Mommy and Daddy explain the meaning behind their body art

4 min readFeb 23, 2023

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It’s a Tramp “Postage” Stamp Tattoo

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John Sandbach
in
The Haven

10 Reasons Why We Need To Bring The Wooly Mammoth Back ASAP

Let’s pull some wool, baby.

4 min readJan 25, 2023

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10 Reasons Why We Need To Bring The Wooly Mammoth Back ASAP

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John Sandbach
in
Slackjaw

Should I Smoke Cigarettes Or Eat Berries Every Day?

Which habit best suits your lifestyle?

4 min readJan 3, 2023

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Should I Smoke Cigarettes Or Eat Berries Every Day?

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John Sandbach
in
The Haven

Inheriting Your Father’s Toe Nails

Your horror Son, will one day be your legacy

1 min readDec 1, 2022

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Inheriting Your Father’s Toe Nails

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John Sandbach
in
MuddyUm

Our Country Has an Enchilada Crisis

And unlike most of our problems, we can’t eat our way out of this one

4 min readNov 7, 2022

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Our Country Has an Enchilada Crisis

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John Sandbach
in
Slackjaw

A List Of Dos And Don’ts When Conjuring Up Satan

Before you swap your soul for lifetime tickets to the Green Bay Packers, hash out a plan and practice some etiquette

4 min readOct 30, 2022

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A List Of Dos And Don’ts When Conjuring Up Satan

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John Sandbach
in
MuddyUm

A Husband’s Review of Every Bath Product Found in the Shower

Several were added by my wife, possibly only hours, after this article was written

4 min readOct 12, 2022

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A Husband’s Review of Every Bath Product Found in the Shower

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John Sandbach
in
The Haven

Ten Habits Of Highly Unsuccessful People

Being unsuccessful isn’t about status, it’s about embracing an entire lifestyle. But it does take work. Well, kind of.

4 min readSep 28, 2022

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Ten Habits Of Highly Unsuccessful People

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John Sandbach
in
The Haven

Due to the Following Violations, Your Man Card Has Been Revoked.

And ideas on how you can get it back.

2 min readSep 23, 2022

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Due to the Following Violations, Your Man Card Has Been Revoked.

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John Sandbach

John Sandbach

John Sandbach is a humor writer and poetry bard from Maui, Hawaii. The Haven, Slackjaw, PIC, Functionally Dead, Little Old Lady C, Greener Pastures and more.

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